So my holiday plans fell through. I wasnt really looking forward to them anyways but I had recently started talking to my mom and dad again and thought I would try to spend thanksgiving with them.
It had been a rough day for me since I talked to my kids Guardian Ad Litem and he informed me that sending gifts for Christmas would be a violation of the protective order that is in place that bars contact with my wife and kids.
Since I was feeling like crap it made me really want to spend time with family and not be alone so I drove to my parents place a couple hours away, big mistake, Last night, after only being there for 2 hrs I got into an argument with my folks and realized I had made a mistake so I drove back home last night.
And of course I started to feel depressed and sorry for myself but I am trying to push through that for my own sanity/personal growth. It doesnt make it any less stressful though.
The argument with my folks stemmed from the snowballing effects of all the infidelity and lying and manipulation I put my family through. My wife isn’t talking to me now because she doesnt feel safe around me and I believe she really feels that way. I dont think she is being unreasonable, she is doing what she is doing out of the need for self preservation. This was the cause of the argument with my parents. My mother keeps saying how ridiculous all of this is and I try to explain that my wife’s feelings are important and the way she feels cant just be dismissed.
So Thanksgiving for me is not going as planned. I did reach out to my sponsor since I was feeling like crap and he ended up inviting me to his place for thanksgiving with his family so I am looking forward to that.
This has been a tough couple of years for myself and my wife and kids. I am grateful that my family is healthy and doing well and I am especially thankful for how strong my wife has been through it all, while we arent together at the moment I know that she is doing the best she can for herself and our kids. I am grateful for my sponsor, and I am grateful for being alive.
Happy thanksgiving everyone.
My Bipolar Journey 