The other day I mentioned that I think I may need to ask my doctor to put me on anti-depressants.
It feels like I cant get any motivation for anything. I miss my wife and kids so much having a protective order in place takes away my ability to communicate with them.
While my wife and I would mostly argue I always looked forward to hearing from her. I also was able to talk to my kids on the phone a few times a week. Now with the ability to communicate with my family impossible I have no motivation or desire to do anything.
Going to meetings and church help but I only do those because I know I need to get out of my apartment before I become permanently attached to my couch. Its helpful but just not enough.
I think this weekend I might try to go to a movie or something outside of my normal day to day routine. Something to get out of my own head.
I think it’s been harder because the holidays are coming up and I dont know how I can get through them without talking to our kids. I mean I totally get it that my wife might not ever want to talk to me ever again but it hurts so bad not being able to talk to the kids. Not to be able to ask what they want for Christmas, not to be able to send them presents.
I think next week I’m going to ask my lawyer to ask her lawyer if it is okay to send Christmas presents.
My Bipolar Journey 