Manipulation

I have been known to be able to manipulate people very well. I try not to do this anymore especially when it comes to my wife.

So much brokenness has resulted in the way that I would gaslight and manipulate her in the past. One of my signature moves would be to tell her that I decided not to do something and I would do so because I knew that her being the awesome trusting wife that she is would say “no, babe, you should do it” and then I would…

So that takes me back to another situation like I posted a couple days ago… doing the right thing for the wrong reason… yep, I freaking did it again…

My work has an after hours social event at a bar restuarant. I wasn’t planning on going because I know that it is not a safe situation for someone who has cheated on their wife numerous times… so while I already wasnt planning on going I wanted to shine a light on my decision making being better now than it was before…

So in the middle of a healthy good conversation with my wife I stopped to point out the fact that the event was occurring but that I realized that if my wife wasnt going to be there that I knew I shouldn’t go….

I didn’t even stop to consider that the last time I did this I manipulated my wife into giving me a free pass for going out on a work night to a work function when in reality I was meeting up with my affair partner and cheating on her…

I swear, I shoot myself in the foot so many times. I need to just let the good be seen not try to draw attention to it… whenever I try to draw attention to the good it always backfires on me. EVERY-SINGLE-TIME!!

I’m hoping that me writing about it will help engrain it into my thick skull. If I have to draw attention to it, it clearly isnt evident on it’s own and still needs work.